If I Won the Lottery I’d Build the Perfect Staff

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Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Every so often I play, “if I won the lottery.” Sometimes my husband joins me. Mostly it’s in my head.

Today, I need an entire staff: a cook, a housekeeper, a personal assistant, trainer and shopper all rolled into a few full time people. Next hired would be a perceptive, non-judgmental, nice person who would toss things at me to wear each morning based on my current mood, weight and cyclical fluid retention. Given my wardrobe of pajamas, jeans and yoga pants, this job would be easy- except for the pesky part of the job description that would read “perceptive, non-judgmental, nice person.” If such a person exists, hopefully they’re gainfully employed as someone much more necessary – like an arms’ negotiator.

By day four anyone in this position would justifiably be looking down her nose and reprimanding me. I would be more like her child than employer. Before you know it she’d rat me out to the neighbors, and if I were famous – which I am because this is my mind game – the tabloids. I’d miss my personal space and  find my new hire annoying. She’s fired, and I’m only on the third paragraph.

So I tone my lottery fantasy down. Maybe I don’t win powerball. Instead I win a relatively modest, $10,000. Instead of panicking over how to spend it, I limit myself to this concept of “staff building.” Let’s say I can afford to hire one occasional person. Who would this person be?

I can proof my o 2366448173_29889b5da9_m wn writing only with the emotional distance of time. With the immediacy of blogging, this proves impossible. So after glancing through a few of my recent blogs, I’ve concluded this person would be a freelance copy editor. So when I leave the house today, assuming I do, I’m going to buy a lottery ticket. Not a ticket to win millions, but one for a more modest amount, where the odds are better than 15 million to one.

You have to play to win.

In the meantime I’ll proof this blog a little too quickly before I post. I will hope for the best. Feel free to point out any errors. It will be a lot less embarrassing than me discovering my blunders in a few days. For me personally, “their, they’re and there” constantly lurk. More stealth but equally menacing, “subject/verb agreement” lies/lays in wait. On the fly commas can be tough. Undoubtedly many other errors glare me down like the grammar charlatan I’ve become. Please let me know.

If you want me to return the favor, just holler. I’m a decent closet manager/proofreader as long as it’s for someone else. Cooking and cleaning? Not so much.

Photo credits: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net and http://www.flickr.com/photos/lexnger/ / CC BY-NC 2.0

Comments

  1. says

    You are so funny. I never see any mistakes, but then again, I am not looking for them.
    I must make real writers cringe.
    I love your theory on the lottery though..I would get a maid and a personal grocery shopper. A dream!

  2. says

    What errors????? :D :D :D

    I just enjoy my visit with you — that’s all I’m interested in.

    You are too funny. If you win the $$$ be sure to let us know. I like the idea from Pricilla about the nun. Perfect.

  3. Lisa Scott Hall says

    Hi there ~

    Your blog is delightful — when you win the lottery I am your girl. I work for a recuitment ad agency and spend my days correcting you will “posses” the following talents and “we need an ass. manger (for assistant manager). It’s always something though my all time favorite is “we have the following exciting “pooportunity.” (for opportunity) Clean up in aisle 3. At this point, I could be bought.

  4. says

    I don’t worry so much about the grammar or spelling–it’s the content that matters, right? Well, that makes me feel better saying that.

    You’ve got me thinking here. If I won enough money to have a “person”, I think I’d hire someone who has the exact shape as me to go buy my clothes for me. You know, have them try it on and struggle with going up a size or getting a good fitting bra. Ah, to dream.

  5. says

    Oh, oh!! Pick me!! I need work. And I’m a very non-judgmental nice person with excellent editing skills (except on my own blog… and comments)

  6. says

    OK. The fluid retention cycle mind reading part was hilarious. I LOL’d (and I never use that phrase but I’m feeling lazy). Awesome post.

    I’d hire a hot masseur. Did I spell that correctly?

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