So you want to do something new. Something big, not small. One minute you’re afraid this desire might be someone else’s. The next you are to some degree pretty sure it’s yours.
If you are the sum of everything you’ve ever read, you wonder if the schmaltzy, pithy, sarcastic and 140 character brevity of Facebook/Twitter/24/7 world is rotting your brain.
There are moments of being so frightened by how much younger everyone seems than you. How much people a decade or two younger than you have accomplished. How freaking confident they are. How they sell other people ways to fix their lives. How they speak with a confidence that eludes you.
You, no matter how much it would probably serve you, have never been comfortable with “tooting your own horn.” Besides not liking the blaring sound of it, you know the people you want to reach, as you do, recognize the dissonance.
People have competing needs, dreams, desires. They guard their castles and don’t know they are doing it. It is one thing, but they call it something palatable.
Technology obscures it.
Of these people, all mostly normal and nice, even the worst of them don’t think they are assholes. They won’t stop, just because you don’t like it.
So what if you are not an unabashed self promoter, but have something to promote? You know to do this thing you are after, that to you, “control freak” is not a compliment. You and the hearts of many will always know the difference between real and snake oil.
You will keep attempting to find out who you are by letting yourself hang out on the lawn like a piece of laundry on a line, just as laundry used to when you lived on a lane in a little white house with a picket fence almost half a century ago. In spite of yourself, partially, because you can’t help it.
Staying invisible you has its perks, but mostly not. You will find out who you are and not just who you are not and do things,both big and small that shine in the souls of those whom they are meant to shine.